July 8, 2010
9am

Got bacon frying on the stove, lots of coffee in my system and a little extra time today.
Also got permission from LovittGirl (LG from here on out, or just L) to tell our short but sweet story.

We started talking months ago online, on texts, on the phone. We got along well there.
The flirting process was moving along nicely...comfortably...at first. Not that there were ever any big problems but there is a learning curve with not only long distance relationships but with ONLINE long distance relationships where you haven't even ever met in Real Time (RT)! I've been through that process, both processes several times now. L had not. Things got tricky...

But let me back up a bit. You might get the picture a little better.

While L and I had never really met we DID see each other at an event once or twice. Kinkfest in Portland, OR. I taught a class there, my most popular class, Bondage for Sex and I think that was where L first saw me. Once we finally met in RT, I think I remembered her face from that class. We passed each other once or twice during the event. I remember a high heeled, mini-skirted cutie going by once or twice.

Anyway we got in touch through Fetlife and started talking....then flirting...then more flirting... You know the deal right? We all want love so badly that we often compromise our principles in RT in order to accommodate each other. Relationships are about compromise anyway right? We all do it whether we realize it or not. And online? Because of our desires and wants and needs, the person on the other end of our fantasies can and often does appear much larger than life. Interacting without the pressures of face to face encounters lets even those of us who are a bit socially inept appear to have a handle on life that is just plain not realistic much of the time.
Yes, we can weed out those who are a bit slower than others. Spelling, grammar, philosophical lackings, intelligence levels period...but there is a lot more to making a RT relationship than what you can discern online.

I know so many people who got all charged up over someone online, on the phone that they actually planned a future around each other without having EVER met! Most ended in disaster. Some worked for a while then ended in disaster. Maybe some worked...but not many I'll guess. You don't hear as much about those or the news isn't quite as interesting.

What can't you know online? I'm not expert but these are my feelings:

The smell of someone...the taste...the chemistry that either is or is not there.
Let me tell you about an couple experience of mine. I speak often from the viewpoint of what I have heard but more often, and with more conviction, from experiences I have been through.

When I first came into this biz, I got to work with a famous bondage model I had idolized for years. She was even sweeter in RT than I thought she would be in my dreams and fantasies. A few years and a few shoots later we had a chance to follow up on the flirtations we began that first shoot. She is beautiful, loves bondage, is very submissive, has money, a fun open personality and we conversed well. So...I was totally infatuated with her and wanted a relationship badly.

When we finally got together for a weekend affair, something happened that really pissed me off. She didn't feel right...she didn't smell right...and I never got totally comfy with her. And I wanted to VERY badly. We could have produced very successful content together, had a very happy life...and I LIKED her...a lot!

We drifted apart...or at least that's the story I'm going to tell and stick to.
But my point is...even AFTER we met and interacted and knew each other fairly well, the fantasy was wayyyyyyy better than the reality! How could anyone really know that true love is happening without having ever met?

That incident was one of a couple similar situations I have been through. Maybe I'll write about the others sometime if anyone is interested.

So as L and I talked more, flirted harder, started becoming infatuated with each other, I KNEW from experience that I had to reign in my emotions till we met. I mentioned that to her as well and at first she had a little trouble with that concept.
As I backed off to a livable level she sometimes took offense or felt that I didn't feel as strongly as she did about our "possibilities" for a RT relationship.

We struggled back n forth for a while. Trying what we could to arrange a RT meeting.
Frustration at having to wait added pressure to a relationship that wasn't really a relationship yet!

Well we finally set a date on the calendar. It's really the only way to get with me anyway. If it makes the calendar, I'll stick to it.

We agreed jokingly at first to meet somewhere between where we both lived and we would both drive there. That way if we hated each other we could go our separate ways easily. I opened google maps, plotted her city and mine, picked a point as close to between us as I could find and kept enlarging the map till i found something that looked fun.
It was a state Park called Rainbow Falls State Park. Mileage wise it was nearly exactly between us.

Now this date was set up nearly a month or so ahead of time. As it neared we both felt equal measures of excitement and fear. Wanting badly...not knowing if we would even like each other. L is a strong minded woman and I've been known to butt heads with others on rare occasions myself....lol So we butted online once in a while but I LOVE a woman who can stand up for herself! So even though there were tricky spots I still wanted to find out what's what with her. ANY connection is rare for me so I believe in following up on any possibility.

I got to the park that Friday, well before L and set up camp. It was a pretty little place well off the beaten path. Once I got there I realized I had no cell signal! No way to contact L and no way to do the puter chores I needed to do. So once camp was set up I drove back to town. Once there I contacted L and then sat in front of a Home Depot to do puter stuff. Did you know most Home Depots (We in the bdsm scene also call it Dom Depot cause we pervert soooo many things from there..lol) have free wi-fi? Anyway I and my ADD digress again.

So I sat there in my truck in the parking lot of HD and did my puter stuff and waited nervously. I let her know by text right where I was and waited...

Then a car pulled up. I saw it was her. We both got out of our cars. Both us had apprehension and lust and longing and worry and nervousness and many other emotions that waiting so long can cause....in our eyes. But we walked quickly up to each other, started smiling as we got closer and moved quickly into each others arms for a big hug.
Good start! She smelled good! Felt good!

The rest of the weekend was a blur. Or at least I'm saying that now because the details belong to us. It's not important to me to disclose all the gory details (not that there really were any) to the general public. Suffice it to say that we got along well. We were comfy right away. We had romantic evenings around the campfire, decent food as well, played a bit...took some pics...lol and had a pretty darned good weekend together.
While I'm not heads over heels in love with LovittGirl, I do feel a strng emotional attachment, like her a lot and feel like we shared a special time. And I DO want to see her again sometime. She is truly a wonderful person.

Oh and in fact I did see her one more time before I left the Portland area! She was in town shooting with others during the time my art show went on. She was there for that, she helped celebrate my going away party and fit in well with the rest of the gang there at the club. We hugged hard with at least slightly moist eyes at the end of the night...vowing to get together again sometime.

One side note before I finish this story. I got an email last night from a VERY good Portland friend that there is going to be a fund raiser to replace the very expensive set of rope I lost that night. I found out that LovittGirl started the idea. She really is very sweet and I'm incredibly thankful to my Portland friends for the thought.

Anyway in summing up this little story I want to make sure those of you who read it understand my intentions for writing it.
1. Because this is the 2nd TTTour 4 Prequel Story and this blog - for now - is about my summer and fall TTTour.
2. So that maybe others of you who are developing online relationships can learn from the mistakes I and others I know, have made. The internet is an amazing and wonderful thing. If not for it I wouldn't be here writing this story. I wouldn't have the incredible and amazing life I have. We all might not even KNOW each other!
But at the risk of sounding like an old philosophical geezer, there is a price to pay for anything good. You can prepay, post pay or pay instantly...but I guarantee you WILL pay a price.
So go slow, take your time, keep your emotions in check as best you can, which I am TERRIBLE at! You can learn a lot about a person online....but not everything.

Ok....done preaching.

Headed for Dallas now! I plan on being there on Friday! Gonna see my video guy there, do a demo for the Dallas gang Saturday and .......meet another possible love interest...lol

Here I go again.....

Lew